Lilypie Countdown to Adoption tickers

Lilypie Countdown to Adoption tickers

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Don’t judge a book by its cover

This common English idiom even adults need to be reminded of. In my last post I received some Anonymous comments that suggested that my comments are marginalizing to adult adoptees , that my wants are above those of my children, that my adoption is second fiddle, etc. If you don’t know what I am referring to, you can read the comments that were left and the blog post of an adult adoptee that was left by Anonymous readers.
To start, your comments hold little merit if you cannot put your own name behind it. I feel if you are so inclined to leave a message on my blog, especially one that is controversial, sign your name and don’t hide behind ‘Anonymous.’

Don’t judge a book by its cover. The name on my blog, is Two Less, we hope there will be two less orphans in the world and in our arms. There are 55 million in the world. 55 MILLION. And that, unfortunately, is the reality. However, would I ever refer to my child as an orphan or make them think or feel that they are anything but our children because of their circumstance or where they came from? Absolutely not. If you have read my blog you would know that I refer to our children as ‘our children’ or ‘Jack and Hayley.’ They will be loved unconditionally and treated as nothing other than our children.

I agree that the children who come to our family should not and will not be expected to be anything other than who they are. But does that make it wrong for me to want a healthy child? That would be like a biological mom not wishing her child to be healthy. That is absurd. There are no guarantees in adoption and if my children are not healthy, they will still be loved the same. Please don’t assume or insinuate otherwise, because it is offensive.

If you knew me and my husband you would know our decision to adopt a child. And to insinuate that that adoption is second best or our second option, it is just not true. Adoption was our BEST and FIRST option. Maybe I had the option to have a biological child, but you quickly assumed that adoption is our second best choice. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Even if I didn’t have the option to have a biological child, is it fair for you to assume that children who are adopted because of infertility are second string to a biological child? It is not fair, not right and not true. Here is a mom’s story that proves my point.

People choose adoption for multiple reasons. This could be because they have all boys and want a girl, or they want a son, they have battled with infertility, they felt a calling from God, their mission it to help the orphan crisis, etc. Whatever path it is that leads a family to adopt, is their path, and should never be judged unless you have walked their path in their shoes. More time should be spent celebrating adoption and less time judging ones decisions to adopt or who they adopt.

On Tuesday before I went to work, I ran around the lake and I cried. I cried because someone whom I have never met was questioning my character and it downright just made me mad. Little did I know that this day would turn out to be one of the best of my life. There was nothing anyone could have said or done that would have changed that. Oh how quickly things can change.

To be continued…

11 comments:

  1. I am going to assume that your best day has a lot to do with two Ethiopian families being devastated. I am so sorry that your agency could not remove " your children" from their first parents fast enough to suit your husband and yourself. Or that their families were able to spend more of their newborn months with their children then you thought was fair to you. No one is entitled to children and we should all want these babies and their first families to have all the time in the world they want. After all they are their children first.

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  2. Anonymous,
    The fact that you were adopted does not make your thoughts or feelings more profound than anyone else's. Do us all a favor, please do not post on this blog any more.

    If you would like to share thoughts with another adult adoptee, feel free to call me at 612-598-3310. (ajhornb@gmail.com)

    - Amy Jo Hornberger

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  3. Thank you Christina for being brave enough to handle criticism from those that you do not know! I know it is incredibly difficult to share your feelings and thoughts without knowing who will be reading or judging them. I applaud you for your strength. Yes, blogs are public, but unsolicited comments from those not willing to share their name shouldn't have to be a concern. Because of your caring and loving nature, it will hurt, but know that you have a TON of family and friends that will forever support you and your decisions. You and Sam are amazing people and I am so lucky to know you both!

    Anna Gilbertson

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  4. I am so excited with joy and smiles for you new family. What a amazing, brave, LOVING family you will be forming in the next few months!
    What I really want to do is address all of those "anonymous" people and tell them they must not have the heart to realize what unconditional love is... There will be two amazing children coming into the home of amazing people and family. Jack and Hayley are sooo blessed and loved!! Congrats to you both I cant wait to have a play date :)

    Niki

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  5. You and Sam are wonderful people, and I know you feel like the lucky ones, but I'm so excited for Jack and Hayley also. They will be joining a great family! :)

    And I'm sorry you thought even for a second about the comments from anonymous. I'm convinced there are crazy people out there who like nothing better than to hide behind their computers and leave harsh, and unjustified comments on other people's blogs. Don't pay it any attention. You are obviously dealing wiht a certifiably crazy person!

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  6. I know Sam from high school and I know what you two are doing is wonderful. I give you full support and pray for you and other friends of mine who have waited and are waiting to bring a beautiful child from God into their homes. Continue to stay strong.

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  7. Christina, we are with you and proud of you. You are incredible, mature, patient and will be absolutely fabulous parents. Way to process this honestly and humbly.

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  8. Christina,

    I was so happy to read your response to the comment on the last blog post. When I read the anonymous comment, I was devastated and almost started to cry at my desk that someone would be so callous and rude to assume that they knew anything about you or your journey. Or for that matter, the journey of the birthparents of the children that will soon be joining your family.

    I am assuming that the anonymous comment listed first here is from the same coward who prompted this post.

    As a birthmother myself to a son that I placed for adoption 13 years ago when I was 18 years old, I would like to address the unbelievably insensitive comment made yet again by "anonymous." Yes, it is devastating to the family of a child that is placed for adoption. However, who do you think you are to assume that they are not placing their children for adoption because they want their children to have better opportunities and a better life then the one they would be able to provide them? I know that when I placed my child for adoption, his best interest was what I was the most worried about. It was going to be devastating for me whether I spent twenty minutes or twenty days with him. Placing him for adoption was NOT about me and my feelings, it was about him and what was going to be best for him.

    Based on the comments you have made and the impression you are giving in them, I am assuming that you have had a hard life and for that I am very, very sorry. However, if you took the time to read this blog with an open mind and an open heart, you would have to be blind to not see that there are two very lucky children in Ethiopia right now that will soon be very blessed to receive an amazing opportunity. They will be given a chance at a better life than the one they were most likely born into. They will be brought into a home where they are wanted more than anything else in this world. They will be surrounded with friends, family, love, and laughter. How could you possibly find anything wrong with that???

    Christina - I applaud you for the strength demonstrated in this post. I could not be more excited to read your next post!!! ;)

    ~ Kellee Jaglo

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  9. I think it is truly unfortunate that someone could be so cruel and judgmental of your decision to adopt. Sharing your journey can be a very vulnerable thing, but know that you have given inspiration to others. The Lord has given you a voice because of your experience. Do not let anyone take that voice from you. ~Jodi Gundersen

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  10. Christina and Sam,
    Not sure what to say (many things come to mind) although I will say I believe this situation is strengthening you both as a couple and as parents. Your response speaks to your experience and wants in life. I take the words of this "annoymous" person to be about that person's journey and situation and not at all about your journey Christina and Sam. There are mad and unhealthy people that need to look in the mirror before they infect others. Unforunate that the "annoymous" person needs to dump on a beautiful blog!! Love-Elisha

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  11. Ahhhh... Christina... people will always try to steal your joy. Some people are just CRAZY! I am so excited for the both of you, and that you are finally able to see your children, if only in pictures...

    Love you,
    Bridget

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